The Journey
Nathanael A. Malley
The Beginning of
Where It Started
It really started long before I ever bought my first pistol.
When I was a kid, I knew I wanted to be in the Army or become a police officer. That desire never really left. But life has a way of putting roadblocks in front of you. Some were circumstances. Some were personal choices. Either way, I never committed.
It would take me 36 years before I finally told myself:
It’s time to lock in.
Deep down, I always knew I wanted to be involved in firearms training and tactics—not just owning them, but learning them. Understanding them. Eventually teaching them.
At 36, I landed a job at the time working with Allied Universal. I found myself surrounded by people who were into firearms. That environment finally pushed me toward buying my first pistol.
But before I bought it… I failed a little.
Objectively, I wanted to get it right. I was so sure I knew exactly what I needed. That same overconfidence would later show up again when I bought my first rifle. (We’ll visit that story another time.)
At first, I was convinced I needed a full-size Springfield 1911 in 9mm.
Then it was a Springfield XD.
Then a Sig P320.
Then I shot a Canik with a friend and everything changed.
What followed was chaos.
I handled and researched close to twenty different pistols. On paper, that sounds responsible. And in many ways it was. The problem was this:
I didn’t know what I was holding.
I wanted my concealed carry permit. That felt like the real first step. So I decided to get something I could afford, something I could carry comfortably, and something that would let me start.
I walked into Atlas Firearms in Winston-Salem, NC, and walked out with a Canik TP9 Subcompact Elite. $400 + tax.
At the time, I was proud of it.
Truthfully, it’s still my everyday carry today—though I’m currently in the process of upgrading.
But here’s the real lesson.
Even with all the planning, the reading, the research, and the daydreaming—I still didn’t fully understand what came with owning that firearm.
Because it’s not just the pistol.
It’s the holster you choose.
The safe you keep it in—or don’t.
Whether you open carry or conceal carry.
If you carry chambered.
Where you carry on your body.
The permit class.
The waiting period.
The training.
The responsibility.
And that’s when it hit me.
The most important part wasn’t getting the “perfect” gun.
It was making the decision to commit to the responsibility of owning one.
That was the real ignition moment.
It was nerve-racking.
It was heavy.
And whether I got everything right the first time didn’t matter.
The key was this:
I was in the car.
The ignition had been turned.
And we were on the road.
“A good plan, violently executed now, is better than a perfect plan next week.” -General George S. Patton
We can imagine and plan for things in life all we want. Planning is important—it’s one of the behaviors that helps ensure our success as human beings. But there comes a point where planning becomes posturing.
If you refuse to step outside your comfort zone when a good opportunity presents itself, you will miss greater opportunities in life.
Firearms were that opportunity for me.
If you are someone who is uncertain about firearms but curious… I understand that. It can be intimidating. It is a serious decision. It carries responsibility. It carries weight.
I am four years into this journey, and I am still learning.
I do not claim to have it all figured out. What I can offer is honesty and humility about my process. Because starting later in life can feel overwhelming. It can feel like you are behind. It can feel like you don’t belong.
Fortunately, I had people around me who encouraged me. They pushed me forward. They answered questions. They shared their experience. They corrected me when I was wrong.
I am grateful to this day for the number of decent men and women who took the time to educate me and share their knowledge.
That is part of this journey too.
Not just skill.
But community.